i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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