just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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