I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
