I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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