Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
