We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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