Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
