So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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