the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
