Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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