i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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