Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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