i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
