Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
