What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
