It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
