yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
