In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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