So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
