My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
