Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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