You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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