..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
