Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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