Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
