she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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