i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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