I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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