some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
