# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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