we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
