i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need water and some morals
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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