dude i'm inner monologue high
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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