it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
