I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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