She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
