Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
