Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
