I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
