just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
