yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
