It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
