When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
