I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
