the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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