: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
