dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
