His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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