Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
