If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
