i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
