You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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