I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
