some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
