margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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