Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
