Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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