help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
