so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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