sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well you can't waste a boner
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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