i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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