can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize