Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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