Jerry, you need to find god
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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