my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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