his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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