There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she looked like the before picture.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
