our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
