Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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