Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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