Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
