i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
